A Lil Somethin
by BootsandCatsandDrafts
Summary: Ben, feeling weak and purposeless to the rest of the group, contemplates on how he can pull his weight. But how can a clumsy, lanky, nerve filled teenager develop masculinity during a zombie apocalypse? Takes place between the end of episode 2 & the beginning of Episode 3 of S1. Read and Review please!


Ben woke up in a hot sweat. Panting, he patted his chest with shaky hands to make sure he was awake and that his nightmare had not manifested itself into some element of the world outside his subconscious. Breathing a staggered, heavy sigh of relief, he placed his bare feet onto the stained, gram cracker colored carpet of the Motor Inn. He assumed the other members of his group were exhausted from the training session that Lilly demanded everyone participate in the day after they got back from the Dairy, and he hoped that his midnight screams hadn't woken them. He put his hands in his face and felt the beads of sweat roll down his cheeks and neck. He got himself up and staggered to the bathroom adjacent to the small bed he was sitting on, the rough, dry carpet feeling like dead grass beneath his wide, flat feet.

It had been unusually hot the past few weeks at the Motor Inn and the cool, sunny mornings and chilly afternoons melted into thick, steamy, humid daytimes that felt like saunas. To stay cool, he had resorted to sleeping in his underwear—after first blocking the doorway with furniture. The last thing he needed were the others making snide and cutting comments about this undeveloped, boyish figure on top of all the other stress he had to endure. As he gazed back at the lanky, disheveled boy staring back at him in the spotted motel mirror, he splashed some water on his face in hopes of cooling himself down. It didn't work and it instead resulted in the sensation of more sweat dripping down his forehead and chest. He glanced at it. Though he was already seventeen, he had the body of an abnormally tall twelve year old boy. And lately, he was finding that he had the emotional stability of one as well. Trying to see if he could get the cold water faucet working, he let out a long breath of air.

"Just need a little of…somethin," he said to himself as he splashed another handful onto his tired looking face. "A little something to make you..tough. Like everybody else." He tried smiling at the haggard looking figure to reassure him of his words but he only half believed himself. Why couldn't he be brave, like Lee? Or speak his mind freely and unabashedly, like Kenny? He admired the ways both of them were able to manage conflict so well and wondered why it was he was so unable to do it himself. As he continued looking at his lanky reflection, he noticed that the morning sunlight that gleamed through the open bathroom door from window behind him made him look heroic and powerful. The specks of dust in the air danced around him and shimmered in the morning rays, looking like twinkling stars around his bony, broad, slumped shoulders. But to the teenage boy, he was anything but heroic.

"I never should have let Travis convince Mr. Parker go out searching for food,". he thought sadly, remembering the middle aged man fondly.

"Now he's gone, Mr. Parker's gone, and a bus full of unattended high school juniors was left as fresh meat to whatever walkers happened upon them…" . Though he wasn't really close to any of the members individually, he was genuinely grieved over the possibility of all of them suffering a fate that he could have controlled. Many of the players were best friends and hung out with each other outside of practices and games, happily united in their geek-like tendencies and love of music. Others were in bands, or wrote songs with other players. Ben instead remained the lone trombone player, left to occupy his thoughts with only the low, sad melodies from his trombone, to comfort him. The same feeling of loneliness and bitterness that often overtook him during his lonely lunch days in the back of the band room suddenly returned to him and he gripped the edges of the rusted sink with tight knuckles.

Abruptly , he looked up and back at his reflection. No, he decided. Today would be different. Today he wasn't going to wallow in self-pity and worry about the horrors he had endured the past few days. Today was new. Though it seemed like a lifetime ago, only two days had passed since he stumbled upon the little group making their way through a shattering world. A mere 48 hours since they ran into the horrid St. John Dairy and fell for their fuel exchange trap and lost two members of their group. But today was a not two days ago. Today was new. New people, new things to do, new start. Fresh start. He grimaced in the mirror and attempted to flex. Tough start. He sighed at the lumps that barely rose half an inch on his biceps. Maybe Lee or Kenny could teach him a thing or two about bulking up since his last gym teacher was so crappy. And he was sure Lilly certainly wouldn't object since he figured their regular training would intensify after what had just happened with the St. John's.

As he was trying out various poses in the mirror, he heard Carley cry out loudly. He quickly put on his shirt that was lying on the floor next to his door, shoved the dresser that was in front of it out of his way, and bolted out of it to the motel door next to his. Lilly had ordered that the men would sleep on one side of the motel inn's rooms and the women and children would sleep in the adjoining rooms. Ben, being the least threatening member of the group outside of Duck and Clementine, was placed in the room next to Carley's.

"Carley, what's wrong"?! He asked, frantically tearing open the door to her room. "I heard you yelling like you were hurt. What happened?!" She was leaned over on the floor in front of an armchair that was next to an armoire holding a tv and was clutching her sides with clenched fists with a tight, pained face. She wore her black pencil skirt and a fitted grey tank top. He hoped she had undressed to those clothing articles because of the heat and not because of the pain as he watched writhe on the floor.

"It's nothing Ben," she groaned out slowly, with her eyes closed as tightly as her teeth. She tried supporting her weight on the arm of the armchair she was next to pick herself off the ground. "I'm just, gaaahhh!" She cried out again, this time louder, but she fell back onto the floor in fetal position. Ben began to panic as he looked at a weak, pained Carley, a sight that was shockingly different from the usual dismal yet self assured and independent woman he was so used to seeing. Carley was the only one in the group he could really talk to, especially after yesterday. He didn't think he could cope if she ever passed.

"W-what sh-should I do?" he asked, frozen in a stick figured like position in front of the reporter. _Don't be a punk, Ben! Do something! _A voice from inside seemed to urged him to act fast. He glanced around the room for anything that might help her and tried forcing himself to move. But no matter what object he wanted to lunge towards, no matter what suggestion of a tool came to his mind, his body would not move to get it. It was like it was in some paralyzed state of anxiety and acted outside of the commands sent from his brain. It was the same feeling that overtook him that day in the woods when Mr. Parker had gotten stuck in the bear trap. What if she had been bit by a walker? He did stop in and to offer her an extra pillow last night. Did he leave the door cracked wide enough for one to get in by accident? He would never forgive himself if he did and shuttered at the thought.

"I'm fine, just-" but before she could finish, a sleepy yet concerned Lee showed up in the opened doorway with an eight year old girl who held his hand and matched his worried expression. He was wearing a wrinkled white tee shirt and his usual ripped jeans and Clementine was wearing her white dress without her leggings. Lee squinted in the bright sunlight. "Carley!" he exclaimed with raised eyebrows, immediately crouching down beside her.

"What happened to Carley, Ben?" Clementine asked with wide eyes as she stepped closer toward the teenager. Lee looked up expectantly.

Sputtering, he replied "I just, I woke up and, she was just..on the floor!". He cursed himself for his inability to articulate himself and he hoped Carely's life wasn't the one paying for his constant nervousness.

"Seriously, you guys are overreacting," Carely groaned out again. "I'm just cramping". Both of the men let out a sigh of relief and helped Carley stand up and waddle back to her bed. Ben blushed, but Clementine still wore a perplexed expression.

"Ben..what's cramping?" she whispered as she pulled on his shirt to get his attention while she watched Lee walk across to the woman on the floor. He turned a deeper red as he looked away to find the words to explain complications in vaginal menstruation to an eight year old.

"Uhh, its umm this thing that girls get…it hurts a lot I guess, but its uh, normal," he said finally. Clementine gasped and looked up at the disheveled teenager again. Though he was slightly unsure if he would fare any better with Ben's situation, Lee heard his response and rolled his eyes.

"Will I get it?"the eight year old was clutching the front of her dress with the same anxious anticipation of a mother waiting the results of a fertility test. Worry was painted all over her smooth face. Ben blushed even harder.

"Uhh, I don't know." He said slowly. He began inching away from her as if getting away from her physically would result in getting away from the conversation topic. Of course it didn't, and he saw she still looked worried. "But umm, Carely's fine," he added reassuringly. "You can go back to sleep now if you want, really." He offered her a small smile and her eyes lit up at seeing the usual melancholy boy finally look happy. Happily reassured by his unusual optimism, she turned and waddled back to her motel room, rubbing her left eye sleepily as she went. After she left, Ben stood silently and awkwardly in the doorway, not knowing if he was needed or not.

"So uh, how'd you end up on the floor? Looking for more batteries?" Lee asked her, attempting to put some humor in the situation to break up the awkwardness. He had just met her, but because she had saved him and Clementine numerous times in the course of a mere two days, he felt he owed her his hospitality.

"I was trying to hold out and save the supply of Advil for somebody who really needed it," she gasped slowly. "Been like this most of the night but finally broke down this morning. It's cooler on the floor." Lee's eyebrows raised and his usual worried face darkened. He knew a thing or two about women, having been married to one and all, and assumed her abdominal pains were because of her body's lack of nutrients. He noticed she restrained herself from eating so that the group's rations didn't dwindle faster than they needed to. He sighed.

"Carley, there's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. You have as much as a right to the medicine supplies as anybody else in the group," Lee said exasperatedly. "Yeah, but you know," she said tiredly, her voice trailing off. She gazed up at Lee and smiled, grateful that he was there with her. Ben awkwardly scuffed his heel against the door frame and immediately regretted it. His cry out caused both Lee and Carley to abruptly erupt from their exchange and focus their attention on the teenager. The reporter blushed.

"Umm, I c-can I get you something Carely?" Ben replied apologetically, trying his best t shake off the pain in his bony left foot. Lee flashed him an agitated look. Ben cringed, an answer already forming in his mind. He _did_ ask a dumb question. Anyone, even Clementine, could see that Carley needed something. _Think next time!_ The voice from before seemed to admonish him, but he couldn't place what it was. Instinct perhaps?

"No, I'm good. Thanks Ben." Carley held her smile and turned her head towards him.

"No you not 'good'," Lee countered indignantly. He flashed Ben another annoyed look. "You need some medicine. And some water. And some of y'all's… supplies. I don't know if them things can smell blood or not, but I'm not gonna take any chances." Everyone's faces turned serious at the utterance of Lee's last words.

"I could go get some for her," Ben replied eagerly, after a pause. Maybe this was exactly the chance he needed. He could sneak into the supply room before Lilly caught him, find some supplies, and give it to Carely before she woke up. Surely standing up to Lilly would earn him respect among the other group members. Well, among everyone except Lilly.

"She's probably still sleep, and I could be in and out before she woke up". He searched their faces for approval.

"Yeah, except she keeps that room locked and the key is under her pillow," Lee said. "Unless you want to go in there and ask her."

Ben glanced at the floor. The idea of waking up to a cranky, even more irritable Lilly was terrifying. He imagined himself sputtering out an excuse to the impatient woman and discarded the suggestion from his mind. He would graduate to that level of assertiveness later. Lee sensed his hesitancy and looked away towards the nightstand to his left. Carley looked as if she was about to say something, but groaned out again in pain. He looked at the woman who had talked so intimately with him the previous night and couldn't take seeing her in such an intense state of pain. In the three hours that they had talked, he felt he had gained a life time friend, something he had never before had, but now wanted to protect with his life.

"I can go get what she needs," he heard himself say a second time.

"Yeah, you just said that Ben," Lee responded , not knowing where the teenager was headed in his argument. Carley looked up at him and flashed him her signature look of confusion.

"No, I mean go _get_ what she needs". His voice was sure but his mind was not. _Ben, what are you doing?! _Another voice, different from the previous ones, challenged his outspokenness. This voice was familiar, though. It was his fear, trying to speak him out of whatever it was he was getting himself into. His heart began palpitating faster and he could feel his pulse in his palms. He couldn't believe what his tongue was suggesting.

"Uhh, Ben, no offense, but you don't strike me as the kind of guy to go around killing walkers," Lee started. "You seem more of the umm, uhh—" But before he could finish, Ben cut him off.

"Look, that Kenny guy till needs some time to recover after getting shot yesterday, and I can't just mooch off you guys just because I'm young." Lee's eyes raised at his comment. He hadn't thought of Kenny's state. He would have to go check on him though he had no doubt that Katjaa had him patched up well.

Now, Ben noticed, his mind and mouth were out of sync with his body. Perhaps it was his hormones that were driving him to speak so boldly and protectively towards the lady he had recently grown comfortable with. Maybe the lack of sleep was what was causing him to say things he wasn't really aware of. But whatever it was that had caused Ben's outspokenness, it wasn't enough to convince the 37 year old to continue to listen to him.

"I'm 'bout to go in there and ask Lilly for the key. It'll be easier on all of us," he replied matter -of-factly. He glanced at the strangely determined looking Ben, who had stepped closer to the bed they were by. Carley nudged him closer and whispered something in his ear to which Lee raised an eyebrow accompanied with an incredulous expression. Lee sighed again, this time with more annoyance in his groan.

"If we don't have what we need, " he said slowly, feeling his way through his words. "You can come on a," he sighed a third time before finishing his sentence. Ben looked up eagerly. "You can come on a supply run." Lee looked as if he were going to be sick. Carley smiled and gingerly patted him on the shoulder.

"Really? You think I'm ready for that?" he asked, trying to hide his excitement, although he wasn't full sure about why he would subject himself to so many types of danger. Lee exchanged another hesitant glance with Carley and looked at the boy in front of him.

"No, I don't," he replied. Ben's expression sank. "But you're gonna have to start pulling more of your weight around here since you know, we're short a few people." Lee looked down after his last statement and Ben caught his sad expression. He wondered how closely he had gotten to the other members who they lost.

"But if you follow what I say and keep your head straight, you'll be fine". Lee offered a kind look to the boy who looked like he was mulling the man's words over.

"And don't panic". Lee added that part less friendlily as he got up and walked towards the doorway. "Imma go check what we have and bring some back," Lee said awkwardly. "And Ben," Lee turned around in the doorway.

"Yeah?"

"Put some pants on man!"

Ben looked down at the slightly stained, light blue striped boxers he was wearing, and turned as red as the strawberry hued lampshade next to him. He felt the heat of mortification burn in his cheeks, head, and stomach, and tried to cover himself by crossing his bony his skinny twig shaped legs. Lee suppressed a grin as he rolled his eyes and left the rom. Soon, Ben was alone with a giggling Carley, who had been wondering when the brown haired adolescent would take notice of his partial nudity. Ben scrambled towards the door.

"Hey, I had a brother, remember?" Carley called out, trying to give him a reason to be less embarrassed. But Ben had left in a frenzied state, eager to get away from the particularly emasculating moment. However, still looming in his mind was the feeling, the conviction, the _something_ that had overtaken him and prompted him to speak so boldly to Lee and Carley. He had never experienced that kind of feeling before and wondered why it chose to show itself then. But as alien as it was, he _liked _the feeling. It took the place of the usual pessimism and tentativeness he felt and instead replaced them with feelings of toughness and confidence. He wondered where it came from and when it would return. For the sake of both he and Carley, he hoped soon.


End file.
